HOW TO WRITE w/ Professor Matt is an animated web series that teaches the basics of narrative writing.
Teachers: The best way to utilize this series is to first have your students read the sample scene, comment individually, then all watch the video together.
In this episode:
-Openings
-The “Waking Up” Problem
-Cliches
-Tense Shifts
Step 1
Read the Scene
Writer: Dominic
Title: “Rocky”
My neck was sore when I woke up. The car ride was 3 hours long; I was asleep for 2 and half of those hours. I realize that we must be close. A few minutes later, Dad tells me we’re here.
We get out of the car. It’s cloudy out. It was raining before we got to the farm. The house stood off to the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Even through the fog you can see rolling hills covered in trees and long grass meadows for as far as the eye can see. The farmer comes out not long after we park. I stood with mom while dad went forward to introduce himself. His kids are there too. A girl that doesn’t look much older than me, and a boy who must have been about five or six years old. I try to wave at them, but they both shared the same blank expression on their faces.
The kids didn’t hold my interest for long. They weren’t the reason we came all the way out here. The farmer leads us over to the pen. There’s two of them in there. They’re both young, no more than 6 weeks old. Their fur is brown, like cinnamon. Their ears flapped through the air as they chased each other around the pen. Mom and Dad are talking to the farmer, but I’m not listening to what they’re saying. My attention is on the two puppies that are running around in front of me. It’s only when the farmer talks to me that I take notice.
“Want to go in there?” he asks me.
Before I can answer the door is already open. Now I’m running around with them. Jumping, laughing and rolling around on the ground. I try to reach out to the first pup but the second one tackles me before I can reach it. I get back up and I continue the chase. This goes on for what feels like hours. In reality, it was probably only ten minutes.
After the three of us are tired out, Mom calls me out of the pen. The farmer and the Dad shake hands and Dad heads over to the car. He opens the trunk and takes out a large, black slab of what looks like metal bars. He quickly unfolds this into a small cage. I look back to the farmer and he’s holding one of the puppies in his hands. I can feel the joy bubbling up inside my chest.
Until I look past him into the pen, where the second pup sits there, crying. The further his brother gets from the chain-link fence, the louder his cries become.
“What about him?” I ask Mom.
“You know we could only take one honey.” she tells me.
I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I start to cry along with the lonely pup in the pen. Mom picks me up and carries me to the car. Through the tears, I see the farmer’s children, with the same blank expressions on their faces. They watch me as Mom puts me in the backseat, with the first little puppy in the cage with me. I look out the window and I watch as the two children brings the second puppy into the house. I begin to calm down. At least they won’t leave him outside all alone.
Then I realize that the puppy next to me is crying too. I put my fingers through the bars and tell him “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you.”
When we get home, Mom gives me the new collar. I slide it over my new dog’s head and hold him close. It has two things written on it; our home phone number, and his name, Rocky.
Step 2
Watch the Video
Now watch the tutorial and see the text the way a published author sees it. You can apply what you learn to your own writing.
*If you’re a teacher showing these videos in class, you can have your students add their feedback in the comments before watching. 1) Favorite line or image, 2) What you liked about the scene overall (what is its potential?), 3) How can it be better?
Matthew Ross Smith is an author and award-winning writing professor. His first novel, Lizzy Legend (Aladdin Books/Simon and Schuster) is out in early 2019.
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EPISODE ONE – YOUR OPENING LINES
Matthew Ross Smith 
“I try to reach out to the first pup but the second one tackles me before I can reach it. I get back up and I continue the chase. This goes on for what feels like hours. In reality, it was probably only ten minutes.”
In the scene I loved how you could feel the joyfulness and the excitement of the narrator as he got to get a puppy, and specifically I like the above quoted line, where it connects to every reader, because every reader has had that moment in childhood where you have so much joy from something, and minutes feel like hours of fun.
It could be a lot better if the narrator paid attention to tense, such as in the line “Their ears flapped through the air as they chased each other around the pen. Mom and Dad are talking to the farmer, but I’m not listening to what they’re saying.” Changing this to Mom and Dad talked keeps the tense, and does not take away from the story with the awkwardness of broken tense.
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“Their fur is brown, like cinnamon. Their ears flapped through the air as they chased each other around the pen”
It was a sweet story and even though the breed of dog wasn’t said, the readers have pretty good idea of it.
Some of the sentences are a bit choppy and don’t really flow well.
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Favorite line: Their ears flapped through the air as they chased each other around the pen.
I liked how the scene had a very clear setting. I could clearly imagine every action portrayed.
It could be better by eliminating a lot of the small fragment-like sentences, thus making the story flow better.
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1. My favorite scene is when the boy comforts the dog at the end.
2. What I like about the story overall is the innocent tone that the story is portrayed in as it matches the mindset of the child since he is the one telling the story.
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My favorite image created is: ” I try to reach out to the first pup but the second one tackles me before I can reach it. I get back up and I continue the chase. This goes on for what feels like hours. In reality, it was probably only ten minutes.”
I liked the dialog, it moved the story forward in a natural way
I would’ve liked more description on the pup. How did he feel like?
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1) Their fur is brown, like cinnamon. Their ears flapped through the air as they chased each other around the pen
2) What I really like about the scene was how emotional it was without having to express the emotions the main character was feeling. It was descriptive enough to make you feel as if you were the main character. Plus, who wouldn’t be excited about getting their first puppy.
3) The author doesn’t really need the first small paragraph about the ride to the farm. Though it may be important to him, it’s unnecessary for the story because it doesn’t set up the scene.
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1) “There’s two of them in there. They’re both young, no more than 6 weeks old. Their fur is brown, like cinnamon”
2) I like how the scene tries to evoke the joy of being a little kid getting his first puppy
3) The sentences were extremely stop and go and the story was rushed.
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1. “Before I can answer the door is already open. Now I’m running around with them. Jumping, laughing and rolling around on the ground. I try to reach out to the first pup but the second one tackles me before I can reach it. I get back up and I continue the chase. This goes on for what feels like hours. In reality, it was probably only ten minutes.”
2. I liked how this scene gives the reader the sense of being in the author’s shoes. The author gives descriptive details to make the reader feel like they are there playing with the puppies with no sense of time.
3. One way I would improve this quote is to cut down on the abruptness of each sentence. The sentences end very suddenly and detract from an otherwise great image given by the author. If these sentences could be extended and filled with more detail, the immersion of the reader would be much greater than before.
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1. “Their ears flapped through the air as they chased each other around the pen”
2. What I liked about the see what was the overal imagery and the happiness that you could feel coming from the child. You could see how the tiny little puppies brought the child so much joy and it is visible how the child wanted to take both of them home.
3. I think the scene could have been better by removing the farmer’s children from it because I feel they are just extra parts in the story and they don’t hold a purpose or meaning throughout the scene. I think the scene could also be improved by providing more detail about the body languaging of the other puppy who was in the cage watching his brother being taken away because of how emotional of a scene it’s intended to be.
-Ahmael
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1) Until I look past him into the pen, where the second pup sits there, crying. The further his brother gets from the chain-link fence, the louder his cries become. This image, while not pleasant, is good at drawing emotion from the reader.
2) How it makes the reader sad about the second puppy. In sync with how the narrator feels.
3)The section before she starts to play with the puppies is a bit long and unnecessary. Less exposition with more focus on the emotions of the story would be better.
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1.” Their fur is brown, like cinnamon. Their ears flapped through the air as they chased each other around the pen.”
2. The scene overall was heartwarming. It provided a nice story about the experience of getting a new puppy.
3. There were too many breaks.
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1. “Their ears flapped through the air as they chased each other around the pen.”
2. This line gives a vivid description of movement, joy and life.
3. The description of the children of the farmers were quite unnecessary. It would have been more interesting if there was a description of the farm and nature. The pups could have been described a more a bit.
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1)”Their fur is brown, like cinnamon. Their ears flapped through the air as they chased each other around the pen.”
2) I thought this passage was well written, and the emotion in it made me feel like I was there. The tone change was really sudden but still pronounced. It showed how all his initial happiness quickly gave way to the bittersweet reality of the situation.
3)I personally do not like how the story concluded. The arrival of a new pet is supposed to be fun and exciting, and that should be overwhelmingly the ending tone. It went from total happiness to total disappointment to the end. The disappointment is understandable and adds more emotion to the essay.
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1. Then I realize that the puppy next to me is crying too. I put my fingers through the bars and tell him “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you.”
2. The story was good overall. There was a lot of detail that I was able to imagine that I was there and the story was able to make me feel sad for the puppy that was left behind.
3. The sentences could have been combined instead of making multiple sentences with only a few words.
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1. “I try to wave at them, but they both shared the same blank expression on their faces.” I really like this line as this is something I have experienced before. My first dog we also got from a farm where there were child. Who weren’t allowed to talk to us. It was an eerie feeling that is reminded to me by this line.
2. “I try to reach out to the first pup but the second one tackles me before I can reach it.” This line could be simply shorted down to one of the pups tackles me as soon as I reached for him.
3. I) The boy arrives at the farm II) The boy plays with the puppies at the farm III) The boy leaves with only one puppy and is sad
4. The arrival could have cut down, the details about the weather
5. Time with the Dogs could have been developed more.
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1. ” Their fur is brown, like cinnamon. Their ears flapped through the air as they chased each other around the pen.” I enjoyed this line because it is very vivid imagery and I can picture the exact image while reading it in my head.
2. “This goes on for what feels like hours. In reality, it was probably only ten minutes.” I feel like the addition of how long they ran around for in reality is a bit stretched out because I feel as though one could assume that the narrator didn’t actually run for that long from the previous line. The lines could be connected and shortened to, “This goes on for what feels like, but only a couple of minutes”. OR take out the second line entirely so that it is only This goes on for what feels like hours.”
3. Boy sleeps through car ride,
Boy arrives at farm, see two interesting kids
Boy goes to pen, sees two puppies in it
Boy chases puppies
Dad takes out cage ,takes only one pup,
Other pup and boy starts crying
Arrive home, tells pup not to worry
4.The boy and girl, as they weren’t important parts of the story, more environment related and appeared only temporarily.
5. Develop the relationship between boy and pup more, have pup connect to boy in some way through some sign of affection.
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Copy and paste a specific line, image, or description that you liked, and say why you liked it.
Find one line that can be made shorter, clearer, or both. Fix it.
Outline what happens in the story, overall. (Ex: I. Boy Wakes up / II. Boy is abducted by aliens / III. Boy falls in love with alien girl / IV. Boy has to decide if he wants to go back to earth or stay with alien girl / V. Boy chooses love)
Which section could be cut down? Why?
Which section could be developed? How?
1. ” I try to reach out to the first pup but the second one tackles me before I can reach it” I like this line because it efficiently conveys a sense of frantic action/movement in the scene.
2. “He opens the trunk and takes out a large, black slab of what looks like metal bars” This just seems like an odd and unnecessary way to describe the cage, especially because exactly what it is is revealed in the next line. One way to improve it would be to remove some of the descriptors/simplify the description: He opens the trunk and takes out a black slab of metal bars.
3. I. Child wakes up at the end of the car ride. II. Meets the farmer and two puppies. III. Parents take one puppy. IV The child and puppies start to cry V. He comforts his puppy on the ride home. VI. He names his puppy Rocky.
4. I would cut down the beginning a little, and cut straight to the puppies.
5. I would develop the end more, it seemed very abrupt.
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from andrey barriga..
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From Andrey Barriga:
1. “Through the tears, I see the farmer’s children, with the same blank expressions on their faces.”
2. I really enjoyed the fact that the author described the faces of the children consistently through out the story to be filled with a blank expression. In this quote it mentions this fact as well, but what makes it special is even through the upsetting moment of seperating two puppies from each other, the children seem to remain calm. It suggests the idea that this has happened before with other puppies they’ve had.
3. It would’ve been better if this suggestion was proved or suggested upon more since it is a little up to interpertation on why the children kept this blank expression.
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Samarah Pasley:
“Even through the fog you can see rolling hills covered in trees and long grass meadows for as far as the eye can see.”
I love the imagery in this sentence, it really helps to paint a picture of the scene and where the short story takes place.
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Lindsay G.
I definitely agree that eliminating certain unnecessary parts of an anecdote will provide a clearer and smoother story. The writer will also be more engaged. Also, I hadn’t recognized the switch between past and present tense in the writing, which is incorrect grammar, until I watched the video.
1) Favorite line
“Through the tears, I see the farmer’s children, with the same blank expressions on their faces.”
2) What I liked about the scene
I like the use of imagery. It helps paint the picture in the reader’s head.
3) How can it be better?
As said before, the imagery is helpful, but to an extent, this author provides too much detail. For example, I don’t need an intro paragraph detailing the farmer and the grass meadows. As the reader, I am intrigued as to what brought you here in the first place.
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Christopher Ihedoro
“Until I look past him into the pen, where the second pup sits there, crying. The further his brother gets from the chain-link fence, the louder his cries become”. This is my favorite line in the story. I can feel the emotions in the words, it was beautifully conveyed. It reminds me of my brother. I loved the girl’s character in the scene. The author was able to show the naivete of young girls to the point where I would think the author was that little girl. I don’t know how it can be improved because I think it was really good
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My favorite line in the scene was “….but I’m not listening to what they’re saying. My attention is on the two puppies that are running around in front of me. It’s only when the farmer talks to me that I take notice.” I liked this quote because it shows how enthralled the narrator is by the puppies and how much he feels the connection to them.
The story had a good amount of description in it, which always choosing the right spots to provide details. I think sometimes writers put almost too much description in, and all it serves to do is to drag out the story and mess with the pace. Here, the author chooses wisely when to describe the scene and when to move the story along.
Something that could have been better in my opinion is what the video was talking about, with changing the verb tenses. It happens enough to where it becomes pretty noticeable, and the problem is that its not just grammatically incorrect, but for me it changes the mood of the story. The tone changes each time the tense does, and that throws the reader for a loop.
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Hailey Shanken
My favorite line in the scene was “….but I’m not listening to what they’re saying. My attention is on the two puppies that are running around in front of me. It’s only when the farmer talks to me that I take notice.” I liked this quote because it shows how enthralled the narrator is by the puppies and how much he feels the connection to them.
The story had a good amount of description in it, which always choosing the right spots to provide details. I think sometimes writers put almost too much description in, and all it serves to do is to drag out the story and mess with the pace. Here, the author chooses wisely when to describe the scene and when to move the story along.
Something that could have been better in my opinion is what the video was talking about, with changing the verb tenses. It happens enough to where it becomes pretty noticeable, and the problem is that its not just grammatically incorrect, but for me it changes the mood of the story. The tone changes each time the tense does, and that throws the reader for a loop.
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Hailey Shanken
My favorite line in the scene was “….but I’m not listening to what they’re saying. My attention is on the two puppies that are running around in front of me. It’s only when the farmer talks to me that I take notice.” I liked this quote because it shows how enthralled the narrator is by the puppies and how much he feels the connection to them.
The story had a good amount of description in it, which always choosing the right spots to provide details. I think sometimes writers put almost too much description in, and all it serves to do is to drag out the story and mess with the pace. Here, the author chooses wisely when to describe the scene and when to move the story along.
Something that could have been better in my opinion is what the video was talking about, with changing the verb tenses. It happens enough to where it becomes pretty noticeable, and the problem is that its not just grammatically incorrect, but for me it changes the mood of the story. The tone changes each time the tense does, and that throws the reader for a loop.
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Beckham Truong:
I really liked the narrative, it really highlighted the emotions very well either from being happy and sad. The moment of meeting the puppies showed a lot of welcoming and excitement and then comes the sadness from puppies being separated apart. The line “Then I realize that the puppy next to me is crying too. I put my fingers through the bars and tell him “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you.” It showed how the author acknowledged both the puppies’ emotions, from the ones that were left at the pen and the one being taken home. It’s unfortunate that he couldn’t take both but he reassured that he’ll take good care of him. This small gesture he did added another layer of emotion making the acne more emotional and real. Throughout the story I could really feel the emotions, from the description and words.
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Kenny Zheng
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Kenny Zheng
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Kenny Zheng
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Kenny Zheng
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Kenny Zheng
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I think the story was perfect and descriptive. It definitely didn’t sound like it was written by a normal college student writer. It sounded more professional. My favorite scene was when the child was leaving after picking up the first dog, and noticed the sibling of the dog crying. The child’s mother said they could only take one but the kid was still upset. The part that mentioned the kids taking the other puppy inside was comforting and good closure, for the main character and the reader. I think something that could’ve been added was the breed of the dog, or whatever mix it was. I think it would’ve helped me visualize the situation a little bit better.
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Kenny Zheng
1. My favorite line in this scene is “I try to wave at them, but they both shared the same blank expression on their faces.” This quote stuck out to me because the phrase “blank expression” is so intriguing to me. I found myself wondering the reasons behind the two children’s lack of emotions, and whether it is because they have been through a lot in the past.
2. Overall, the author did a really spectacular job at setting the tone and controlling the emotions that they want his audience to feel. In this instance, the “blank expression” conveys the theme of depression and misfortune. It effectively sets up or foreshadows what can potentially happen next to the scene.
3. Although the “blank expression” quote was my favorite, I believe that it can be better if it is further expanded on, or dropped completely. I think we didn’t see enough of the two kids for them to have any relevance in this scene. As a matter of fact, it became more of a cliche as the scene plays out and loses the essence.
(I apologize for the empty comments that I sent. It was an accident, as I panicked and deleted my response twice somehow.)
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Anastasia Beshitaishvili
“This goes on for what feels like hours. In reality, it was probably only ten minutes.”
I really liked this sentence because it shows how much fun the author was having with the puppies. It really emphasizes how much the author was enjoying his time, as it felt like hours when in reality, it has only been a few minutes. It makes the audience feel similar emotions.
I think something that could have been better was transitioning between the tones. While the author did a good job setting the different tones, the transitions between them are a bit choppy.
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Gia Kardon
1. Appeal to Emotion: The story illustrates an abundant emotional journey through the eyes of a child – subtle but powerful. The moment that the narrator realizes only one puppy is coming home hits the spot on behalf of the reader’s emotions, leaving them to feel a sense of loss in attachment, just as the main character is experiencing. It wonderfully conveys that mix of excitement and despair kids typically feel but struggle to process. That emotional honesty makes the piece more memorable and relatable (to both children and now-grown adults who experienced that similar feeling when they were a kid).
2. Powerful Imagery / Place: The visuals in this piece are strong without being overwhelming. The “foggy”, “rural landscape”, “the rolling hills”, and the rain-soaked arrival all set a moody, dull, and quiet tone that contrasts nicely with the energy of the puppies. The sensory details-for example “the floppy ears” and “metal cage”-help the reader feel present in each moment.
3. Tense Shifts Distract from Flow: If you read closely, the short writing piece switches between both present and past tense. This interrupts the reading experience. For example, it shifts from “the house stood” (past) to “you can see” (present). Keeping it consistently in past tense would better support the reflective, storytelling feel and would keep readers more grounded when reading throughout.
4. Repetitive, but Mysterious Detail: “The Blank Expressions”
The repetitive mention regarding the farmer’s children (the older daughter and younger brother) and their emotionless facial expressions adds an eerie, almost haunting detail. But without further exploration, it feels unresolved. Instead, I felt as though it were treated as a side detail when it should’ve been more focused on. To further add, I felt as though it were meant to hint at something deeper (like the emotional environment of the farm). If this detail were to have been further expanded upon with more clarity or development, it would have made that sense of symbolism more effective and complete.
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The repetitive mention regarding the farmer’s children (the older daughter and younger brother) and their emotionless facial expressions adds an eerie, almost haunting detail. But without further exploration, it feels unresolved. Instead, I felt as though it were treated as a side detail when it should’ve been more focused on. To further add, I felt as though it were meant to hint at something deeper (like the emotional environment of the farm). If this detail were to have been further expanded upon with more clarity or development, it would have made that sense of symbolism more effective and complete.
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This is Gia Kardon, please excuse me for accidently submitting my commentary twice, for I was not able to view my initial submission until I refreshed my page. I had submitted twice just in case.
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Xander Peters
My favorite line from the story was “This goes on for what feels like hours. In reality, it was probably only ten minutes.” In my opinion, this line really puts us in the perspective of someone young. It reminds me of when I was young and things that took short times felt like they dragged on forever. It also highlights how much fun the author was having with the dogs.
Overall, I liked this story. It goes through the childhood memory of acquiring a dog, but also puts some real-world aspects in it. For example, when the dog was being taken, the other dog was sad. This evoked some emotion out of me as a reader because I just know that other dog was lonely.
One issue I have with this writing is the abrupt sentences. Many of the sentences within this story could have been combined, but the author chose to write short sentences, almost elementary style. I do not know if this was part of the author’s intentions, but it made reading it very clunky.
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“Before I can answer the door is already open. Now I’m running around with them. Jumping, laughing and rolling around on the ground.”
This sentence captures an emotional and physical shift. The narrator moves from observing to fully engaging and participating, showing how quickly joy can take over in a moment of connection. The immediate “Now I’m running…” puts the reader right in the action, emphasizing the child’s excitement and lack of hesitation. This moment also reflects the joy of childhood—how easily and fully kids can enter new experiences without overthinking them. It’s a great example of showing, not telling, and builds a strong emotional tone that continues through the rest of the piece.
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Karina Kruk
I really enjoyed how this narrative story openly explores the joy, emotions, and worries experienced by both the boy and the farmer’s family when he received the puppy. I especially liked how, in the beginning, the story describes the farmer’s family and how the boy first met them: “I try to wave at them, but they both shared the same blank expression on their faces.”
At first, it seems like the boy is confused by their reaction. However, by the end of the story, everything falls into place. When the boy sees the other puppy crying and watches the farmer’s children take it home, he begins to understand the true reason behind their emotions—the pain of separation. One of my favorite moments was this line: “Through the tears, I see the farmer’s children, with the same blank expressions on their faces. They watch me as Mom puts me in the backseat, with the first little puppy in the cage with me.”
This part beautifully reflects how, throughout the story, small moments gradually unfold to reveal deeper meaning, like curtains being slowly drawn open
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Karina Kruk
I really enjoyed how this narrative story openly explores the joy, emotions, and worries experienced by both the boy and the farmer’s family when he received the puppy. I especially liked how, in the beginning, the story describes the farmer’s family and how the boy first met them: “I try to wave at them, but they both shared the same blank expression on their faces.”
At first, it seems like the boy is confused by their reaction. However, by the end of the story, everything falls into place. When the boy sees the other puppy crying and watches the farmer’s children take it home, he begins to understand the true reason behind their emotions—the pain of separation. One of my favorite moments was this line: “Through the tears, I see the farmer’s children, with the same blank expressions on their faces. They watch me as Mom puts me in the backseat, with the first little puppy in the cage with me.”
This part beautifully reflects how, throughout the story, small moments gradually unfold to reveal deeper meaning, like curtains being slowly drawn open
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Karina Kruk
I really enjoyed how this narrative story openly explores the joy, emotions, and worries experienced by both the boy and the farmer’s family when he received the puppy. I especially liked how, in the beginning, the story describes the farmer’s family and how the boy first met them: “I try to wave at them, but they both shared the same blank expression on their faces.”
At first, it seems like the boy is confused by their reaction. However, by the end of the story, everything falls into place. When the boy sees the other puppy crying and watches the farmer’s children take it home, he begins to understand the true reason behind their emotions—the pain of separation. One of my favorite moments was this line: “Through the tears, I see the farmer’s children, with the same blank expressions on their faces. They watch me as Mom puts me in the backseat, with the first little puppy in the cage with me.”
This part beautifully reflects how, throughout the story, small moments gradually unfold to reveal deeper meaning, like curtains being slowly drawn open
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Kami Edens
1) Favorite line or image
“Their ears flapped through the air as they chased each other around the pen.”
2) What you liked about the scene overall (what is its potential?)
I liked the imagery in the story, the author made it very easy to imagine the farm.
3) How can it be better?
Like stated in the video I think that the author could have started the story at the action of pulling up to the farm and not waking up. It also switched between past and present tense.
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Echo Glidden
Favorite line: “I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I start to cry along with the lonely pup in the pen.”
I like this line because it really makes the reader feel for the boy and the puppy. I completely understand how this situation can be hard and can even imagine what the scene looks like. I like how though one is a dog and the other is a boy, the author writes it as they cry together.
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Favorite part:
My attention is on the two puppies that are running around in front of me. It’s only when the farmer talks to me that I take notice.
“Want to go in there?” he asks me.
I love this part because it feels so human, The fact that we only get what the narrator is hearing/feeling/thinking is so great. This part flows like my mind would in that exact situation.
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Jewel Gyabaa-Amponsah
This narrative was a very touching and emotionally resonant scene for me that captures the bittersweet moment of gaining a new companion while having to leave another behind. The setting is vivid and atmospheric— “Even through the fog you can see rolling hills covered in trees and long grass meadows”—which helps ground the reader in the quiet, reflective mood of the farm.
One of the story’s strengths is how it captures emotional contrasts: the joy of playing with the puppies shifts into sadness when the narrator realizes only one can come home. The line, “I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I start to cry along with the lonely pup in the pen,” is especially effective at portraying the depth of that feeling.
There are a few moments where tightening the language could improve the flow—for instance, combining shorter, choppy sentences like “Now I’m running around with them. Jumping, laughing and rolling around on the ground” into one fluid description would make the scene more immersive. Adding more sensory or emotional detail when the narrator notices the puppy crying in the car—perhaps hinting at the shared loss between the pup and the boy—could make the ending even stronger.
Still, the final line, “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you,” followed by placing the collar on Rocky, is a sweet, grounding conclusion that brings warmth and closure to a story rooted in compassion and connection.
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Sherry Dong
“He opens the trunk and takes out a large, black slab of what looks like metal bars.”
This quote is so disheartening and makes the whole moment more heartfelt. Not only is the narrator crying for the dog, the dog is also whimpering; you can already start to feel the connect between the two.
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The story was nice, clear beginning middle and end. Felt verbose at times, but otherwise I felt it was a nice story about an emotional hardship suffered and potential growth in our main character. There was little revealed about any other character, and little thought or analysis by our main character, which I found unexciting. Some sentences like: “The car ride was 3 hours long; I was asleep for 2 and half of those hours.” made me lose complete interest. I wish it had been proofread. Is “Jumping, laughing and rolling around on the ground.” even a grammatically correct sentence? I’m not sure. Some expansion on the emotional impact tat the end would also be a welcome improvement.
-Alexander Seniw
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Abu Ishaque
This story was very simple yet enjoyable to read. It wasn’t long which I found favorable in my case since I can’t stand long stories. As I began to read, there we lots of subtle details that were being said then and there like “My neck was sore when I woke up” or “Their fur is brown, like cinnamon”. In my mind, it slowly built up the moment that we were edging towards which was understanding that the boy woke up to go to a farm to get his first puppy. The details where he explains him playing with the two puppies and being tired and such gives a mental image to the event the boy is experiencing. Along with the sad part, where the boy sees one of the puppies being taken away and the other puppy crying because of their separation. It builds a moment of realization that these there were never going to see each other. The boy ends off the story perfectly by reassuring the puppy names “Rocky” that he will be safe and taken care of.
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Tracy Duong English 103-168
I can understand how important it is to set up a good scene for the readers to understand more of what is going on. At first, I thought that the writer was going on a road trip to a vacation spot. Then when they arrived, I thought that the writer was going to meet their dad’s other kids. I continued to imagine different things until I read the part about the pups. This story was written in a way where you needed to keep reading to actually understand what is happening. I read some stories where they explained the whole thing in the beginning.
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